Twin Bitches
by KellyKatt19
Summary: Ichigo and Shirokou are dangerously codependent on each other in a world where friendships are often forged in blood, and family is everything. So when their friends decide to team up to hold Ichigo for ransom against his twin, it's a shitstorm waiting to happen. Very AU, no supernatural elements, OOCness, swearing and sex, although not a lot of pairings.
1. Chapter 1: Betrayal

**AN: My first Bleach fic! Okay, so it's very AU, contains a lot of swearing and sex (although I don't write actual sex scenes, because I can't do it for shit), and has very few actual pairings. Sort of harem-y concerning Ichigo and Shirokō, although they will not be in any sort of romantic relationship with any one person. So, yeah. Harem-ish, moresomes, open relationships abound. Also, don't worry, the AUness will be explained throughout the story. It's not too hard to understand once it's out there :). Characters will be OOC, as to be expected from how AU this is, but I shall do my best to keep them as in-character as I can. That said, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"I HAVE JUST BEEN KIDNAPPED. FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS YEAR. THIS TIME, BY MY SUPPOSED FRIENDS. I. NEED. ALCOHOL."

Ichigo's roar of frustration echoed throughout the big-ass wood-and-glass villa he had woken up as a captive in. He leaned back in the leather armchair that he had commandeered, and glared.

The startled faces looking back at him did nothing to ease his anger. What the fuck did they think he was gonna do? Accept it? Sit back calmly and wait for the conditions of his return to be met? Cry like some damsel in distress? Fuck no. Kurosaki Ichigo was a big boy, who knew how to handle himself in any kind of situation. And right now, he needed to get shitfaced drunk in order to temporarily forget the fact that several of his best friends had teamed up with his twin brother's sort-of-friends, to kidnap him and play keep-away with said brother, because the idiot owed them all a fuckton of money.

So, yeah. Alcohol was priority one right now.

"Ichigo…" Renji trailed off awkwardly. Ichigo scowled in response, and the redhead flinched. ' _Damn fucking right you flinch, Abarai,'_ Ichigo thought viciously. _'I hope you choke on your awkwardness.'_

"What Abarai is trying to say," Szayel, the pink haired bastard, interrupted Ichigo's glaring contest with the side of Renji's head (the cowardly traitor wouldn't even look him in the eye!), "Is that we have no alcohol in this house. We stocked it only with the basic necessities."

Ichigo growled from his armchair at the head of the coffee table. Stocked it! They'd stocked the goddamn house with things they would need during his time as a prisoner. Exactly how long had the traitorous assholes been planning this?

"Well, go out and GET SOME THEN!" He roared again. "I don't know what you fuckers deemed necessary for a hostage situation," a collective flinch from all Ichigo's supposed friends in the kidnapping crew. "But I am going to assume that this place is severely lacking, seeing as you have. No. Alcohol."

There was silence. Apparently no one knew how to handle the hotheaded kidnapping victim, who was not reacting the way they had predicted (which Ichigo thought was stupid; they'd known him for years, what the fuck else was he going to do?). Just as Ichigo was about to lose his shit – again – the blue haired (sinfully sexy bastard) somewhat-friend of his twin spoke up. "He's right."

At the startled glances he got, Grimmjow continued. "We're gonna need some fucking alcohol once we get through to Shirokō."

Kurosaki Shirokō was Ichigo's twin brother, younger by four minutes. He was also Ichigo's best friend in the entire world, the person closest to him, and, Ichigo felt, the other half of his soul. The antagonistic, violently sadistic half.

Ichigo couldn't help the satisfied smirk that settled on his face at the obvious dread felt by every single one of his kidnappers – even the ever-stoic Ulquiorra. Once Shirokō got the news that his twin was essentially being held for ransom, he was going to go ballistic.

He would comply, of course, the arsefucks couldn't have picked a better method to get their money back. Both Ichigo and Shirokō were dangerously codependent on each other; the kidnappers wouldn't even need to harm Ichigo. Just the threat of not being able to see Ichigo until he paid them all back would have Shirokō working double time to get the money together.

Their codependence was not common knowledge though, Ichigo thought sullenly. The twins were rather notorious throughout all of Soul Society (throughout all of Hell's Gate, really), but only those closest to them were aware of just how much they relied on each other. Which was exactly why Ichigo was so angry at the betrayal of those he had called friends. Kidnappings, killings and such were nothing new in their society, but loyalty and trust were hard-won, and Ichigo couldn't believe that they – that _Renji!_ – would take advantage of his trust, just for some fucking money.

"He's going to beat the shit out of all of you, and then take you to Kurotsuchi for the facial reconstruction surgery you'll all need afterwards." Ichigo informed the group of suddenly pale fuckwits, with some measure of malicious glee. Kurotsuchi Mayuri was infamous for taking certain, _liberties_ , with people's bodies when they went to him for adjustments. His twin would certainly take pleasure from leaving the traitors to the deranged scientist/surgeon's tender mercies.

"Come on, Ichi-kun," Franceska Mila-Rose purred, pouting at the younger man. "You wouldn't really let Shiro-kun hand us over to the Madman, would you?" Her full lower lip stuck out seductively as she gestured at herself, her Fracción sisters, and their mistress (not appearing to hear the protests from the male portion of the group).

Ichigo didn't even don his usual scowl as he looked at her. "Wouldn't I, Mila-Rose?"

* * *

Renji watched as Mila-Rose recoiled, looking as though she'd been slapped. He didn't think it was so much Ichigo's words that had struck her, as much as how he had said it. The orange haired man always had some form of passion igniting his speech, whether it be anger, determination, or happiness. But just now… Ichigo's tone had been cool, his face blank.

Renji tried to ignore the churning feeling in his stomach, instead choosing to focus on his fellow conspirators.

Harribel and her Fracción were the only females in the group, with Harribel herself being the only one to whom Shirokō actually owed money. The blonde woman was sitting on the opposite end of the long, low glass table from Ichigo, with Appaci leaning on the back of the armchair, and Mila-Rose and Sung-Sun perched on her armrests.

There were two identical black leather four-seater sofas opposite each other on the long sides of the coffee table; both full to capacity. The one closest to Renji, who was standing in the corner between said sofa and Harribel's chair, held the pink haired Szayel Granz, Nnoitra Gilga with the serial killer grin, emo looking Ulquiorra Cifer, and the ever-shirtless Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. The last of who was grinning wildly, probably at the thought of the epic fight he was sure to get into with Kurosaki Shirokō once they had all been repaid.

 _(Shitshitshit, don't think about that, go back to the people)._

On the other sofa, to Renji's right, was Ichinose Maki, who was looking pretty uncomfortable. Understandable, considering he was seated next to Madarame Ikkaku, who was also grinning his batshit insane pre-battle grin. On the other side of Ikkaku sat the baldy's best friend, Feather Face AKA Ayasegawa Yumichika, with a pained grimace twisting his mouth. And squashed at the end, yet still managing to loom menacingly, was Ichimaru Gin, complete with sinister fox grin.

The last two of Renji's co-conspirators, Hisagi Shuuhei and Kano Ashido, were in the corner parallel to Renji's, except further back, seated on the top step that led down into their little sitting space. Both of them were carefully avoiding looking at Ichigo. They, and Renji as well, were feeling the guilt more keenly then any of the others (although Renji couldn't think how that would explain Shuuhei's red face).

During the time that Renji had been thinking about his fellow kidnappers _(fuck!)_ , Ichigo and Grimmjow had been arguing with the others about somebody going on a supply run for booze. Now, as Renji tuned back in, he was just in time to hear Gin say, "Harribel, ya an' Szayel go an' raid th' nearest bottle shop. Everybody'll pay their share later, right?" The last was spoken to everybody, with Gin's familiar unsettling smile in place. They all nodded frantically. The smile grew wider.

Renji shivered, shifting his gaze away from the silver haired ex-taichō. How that creep had landed an absolute babe like Matsumoto Rangiku, Renji would never know.

Harribel and her Fracción followed Szayel up and out of the sunken sitting area, already deep in discussion about what kind of alcohol to get. Renji had the feeling there would be more than enough to keep all of them plastered for the duration of Ichigo's kidnapping.

 _(Fuck, now he felt like shit again)._

He sent a sidelong glance at his orange haired friend – because, despite the circumstances, he did consider Ichigo to be one of his best friends. He just really needed his money back; Shirokō had borrowed quite a bit, and Renji had been feeling it for a while. Things would be different if it didn't appear as though Shirokō was simply gambling his money away. If he'd actually needed the money, Renji would've been happy to let the other man pay him back in his own time. Just coz he was more Ichigo's friend than his twin's, didn't mean Renji didn't like the guy. Shit, if Shirokō had really needed the money, that meant Ichigo and the girls probably did as well. He would never not do as much as he possibly could for the Kurosaki family. But, well, that didn't seem to be the case, and Renji had come to the end of his – admittedly limited – patience.

But anyway. Ichigo was slumped back in his armchair, face totally devoid of any emotion. The non-expression didn't suit the orange haired man's face, and Renji felt like shit for putting it there.

' _Screw this,'_ he decided, thrusting his body into motion. _'Pride isn't worth shit right now.'_ Not compared to Ichigo (although this rather sentimental thought was shoved out of his brain as soon as it registered).

Renji fairly flew past the back of the sofa containing several of Aizen's prize Espada, coming to a halt directly in front of Ichigo's armchair. Ichigo's brown eyes widened in complete shock when the redhead dropped to his knees before him. Renji didn't notice when Ichigo flicked his hand, ordering the others out of the room, nor the hard glare he sent in order to make them obey, as he'd buried his face in Ichigo's lap. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he repeated desperately. "Please, please don't hate me."

* * *

Staring in astonishment down at his prideful friend on his knees, Ichigo felt a dreadful realization bubbling up inside him. Running a hand along the bowed head on his lap, Ichigo took a deep breath. "Ren."

Renji made an inquisitive noise, but didn't raise his head. Ichigo vaguely wondered how embarrassed Renji would be once his pride caught up with his guilt. He let his fingers trail down the side of Renji's face, taking hold of his chin and forcing his head up.

"Renji." Ichigo's voice was firm. "Look at me."

Dark eyes finally, for the first time since Ichigo had woken up as a hostage, met deep brown. Admittedly, the younger male felt some sense of satisfaction in the huge amount of guilt and regret filling those wine-colored orbs. "Abarai Renji," Ichigo closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them, expression hard. "Was it you who came up with this plan? Is this your doing?" His heart clenched at the stricken look on the tattooed face before him.

Shit.

All of his righteous anger drained away, leaving only the betrayal and the hurt. He closed his eyes, not wanting Renji to see just how much that revelation had rocked him.

A little too late though, judging by the suddenly bruising grip Renji had on his calves. "I didn't mean to," the redhead insisted urgently. "It was an accident."

Ichigo could feel a slow burning starting up deep in his chest, his anger creeping back bit by bit. "How, exactly," he demanded. "Do you accidentally suggest holding your best friend for ransom?"

Instead of looking away as Ichigo had half expected, Renji's gaze just grew more intense. "I swear it, Ichigo, I swear on yours and Rukia's lives, I did not mean for this to happen."

That caught Ichigo's attention. Swearing by his own life was one thing – considering the bullshit circumstances – but swearing by Rukia's… The two men had risked their lives to save hers so many times over the years, always doing everything in their power to make sure the adopted Kuchiki was safe and happy. Because her life was beyond precious to the both of them. So.

"Explain." Ichigo's voice was unyielding. Because he needed to know, almost desperately, how Renji could possibly excuse this. Thinking that the hotheaded idiot had simply got caught up in this fucking kidnapping scheme was almost excusable; Ichigo could be angry, and hurt, but mostly angry, and punch Abarai in the face a few times and be done. But if he had actually been the one to start this, if he had deliberately used the knowledge that Ichigo had trusted him with against him…

Ichigo wanted to throw up at the thought. He would never, _ever_ , admit to how much that idea pained him, opened up a well of hurt and damn near tore his heart open. He needed to know.

* * *

Had somebody just taken a sledgehammer to his chest? That was what it felt like to Renji. Ichigo was looking at him with betrayal burning in his brown eyes, demanding that the young Fukataichō provide the answers to everything.

This, this feeling was exactly was exactly why Renji had been trying not to focus too hard on exactly what was going on around him, trying to distract himself with thoughts of his co-conspirators, and the house they'd chosen to hide in. He was finding it hard to draw breath, and he was fairly certain that his heart was about to give up. The guilt was overwhelming. But Ichigo needed him to explain, and Renji would be damned if he didn't comply with Ichigo's wishes for the rest of his life.

Because Renji was almost certain that he was the only person who really knew and understood just how hard this separation was going to hit the older Kurosaki twins (except maybe Ichimaru, who seemed to know everything). And it was his own stupid fault for kickstarting the whole thing in the first place, no matter how inadvertent it had been.

So Renji sucked it up, stayed on his knees, and prayed that Ichigo could read the honesty in his eyes. "You know how Shirokō owes us all like, a lot, yeah?" He started. Ichigo frowned down at him, but nodded. "Well, it's been going on for a while now, and I didn't know how many people he'd been borrowing from, but then Ikkaku, Yumichika and Shuuhei told me he'd asked them too, and I was pretty pissed, you know? I mean, we'd been drinking, and I was so frustrated, because none of us had any fuckin' idea what he was using the money for, but then fuckin' Ichimaru walked in with Harribel and Ulquiorra, and heard us, and he just invited himself into our discussion, the rude fucker," here Renji took a deep breath before barreling on, afraid he would stop if he didn't get it all out in one go. "And he told us they'd just come from registering Nnoitra and Grimmjow in the cage fights, and he'd heard that Shirokō had just lost big down there, and had been for the past few weeks. It just made me so fucking mad, Ichigo, especially when all three of them said Shirokō owed them big as well. We kinda just kept drinking, and talking about it, and getting madder and madder, and I swear to God, Ichi, I have no idea how they decided on kidnapping being a good idea, but I said something like, why don't we just talk to Ichi, because obviously everybody knows that Shirokō would do anything for him, and those, those fucking," Renji sputtered helplessly for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Aizen's _fucking henchmen_ ," was what he came up with, but he had no time to facepalm himself. "Took that to mean, 'why don't we just _take_ Ichi, because obviously Shirokō would do anything for him', _for him_ meaning _to get him back_. That was two nights ago, and I'm so, so, so sorry, Ichigo, I just got caught up in the drunken planning, and later on it was too late to back out, and the others would've gone on without me anyway, so I thought I should be here, for you, _with_ you, because I know how hard you two take being separated."

Fucking hell.

Renji took a great, heaving breath. It was almost panicky, the way it'd all come spewing out of him. He wasn't entirely sure that the whole thing had been in any recognizable language.

Well, whatever. Ichigo wasn't asking him to repeat it (thank fuck, because Renji honestly did not think he could go through that again, it was fucking nerve wracking. Also, he'd forgotten the majority of what he'd said). So Renji sat back, finally giving his knees a break, and waited with bated breath for his best friend's response.

It was catching up to him now, the embarrassment. He could feel the blood slowly rising in his cheeks. Oh jeez. Only this man could have made him forgo his not-inconsiderable pride and have him begging on his knees (Rukia so did not count; she would have killed him before he had the opportunity to beg). Renji would never have put himself in such a submissive, vulnerable position for anybody else, not even his Taichō. But goddamn, Kurosaki Ichigo, who gave his all to everybody until they were compelled to give their all back; he didn't even have to say anything to have Renji throwing his ego off a cliff.

No regrets though. No if Ichigo forgave him, and probably even if he didn't. It was a ridiculously sappy sentiment, especially considering Renji wasn't even in love with the guy. Much.

* * *

Bashing his – or Renji's – head against the wall sounded like a good option to Ichigo. Honestly.

At least, he thought as he slithered out of his chair and into a startled Renji's lap, he could stop the unnecessary angsting about his best friend betraying him (although that did nothing for the angst about all his other friends betraying him, because being drunk was not an acceptable excuse, and they clearly weren't drunk now, the traitorous fuckfaces. Renji wasn't a traitor. He was just an idiot.

Ichigo straddled the tattooed redhead's lap, long legs slung over muscular thighs. He brought their foreheads together in a gentler mimicry of their usual argumentative stance, smiling wryly into Renji's dark eyes. "You," Ichigo started, enunciating as clearly as he could. "Are an idiot. But," he paused, taking in the desperation and guilt on the older man's face, reassuring himself. "Idiocy can be forgiven."

Renji's relief was almost palpable. His eyes slipped shut, and he shifted, pulling Ichigo even closer to his broad chest. "Ichi…" he breathed.

The orange haired man let his friend cuddle him for a moment longer before gently tugging back a bit. He eyeballed the man beneath him sternly. "I do, however," Ichigo informed his friend. "Reserve the right to involve you unconditionally in any revenge scheme that Shiro and I come up with."

Ichigo had to repress a mad cackle of laughter more reminiscent of his twin than himself when he saw the mixture of dread and horrified resignation on Renji's face. Shiro was notorious for his elaborately devious plans for vengeance. And his utter ruthlessness. Renji was right to be apprehensive. But taking part was better than being a victim, so the redhead just sighed and nodded. Ichigo chuckled, leaning forward to brush his lips against Renji's, conveying all his gratitude and relief through the contact. When he drew back, Renji was grinning.

Large hands patted Ichigo's waist. "C'mon, up. We should probably go make sure the others haven't killed each other."

Ichigo hummed in agreement. "Not when that privilege belongs to Shiro and me." He frowned as something suddenly occurred to him. "Speaking of killing, where's Zangetsu? And Ririn, for that matter?"

Zangetsu was the daishō pair of swords he'd made; black, to match the white pair made by his brother. Ririn was the AI robot girl that had been foisted upon his by Urahara Kisuke, his late father's old friend. She usually followed him everywhere, and she had definitely been with him when he'd been kidnapped from his own clinic.

Renji made a face. "Szayel disabled Ririn. We left her on a bed in the clinic. She's not damaged or anything," he said hurriedly, noting the scowl forming on Ichigo's face. "He just turned her off. And Zangetsu's here, in the house. Ichimaru didn't want you waking up and swinging at us."

"Good call," Ichigo admitted, unrepentant. "Am I going to get them back before Shiro pays up?" He felt Renji tense underneath him, uncomfortable with the idea that, even though they'd made up, Ichigo was still technically a prisoner. Calloused hands slipped from his waist to grip onto his thighs, tightening almost to the point of pain. Ichigo winced, but let it go. He just stared expectantly at Renji while the redhead calmed himself, ignoring the ache in his thighs.

Barely a minute passed before Renji's grip loosened, an apologetic grimace on his face. "Yeah," he replied guiltily. "Probably not to hold onto, but both Ikkaku and Grimmjow have been going on about fighting you while you're-" he stopped. "Uh, while we're all here. So you'll get a chance to beat on them with Zangetsu, at least." Renji grinned weakly.

Well, there was that, at least, Ichigo thought. Because so far, being a hostage was shit.

* * *

 **AN: Well, there ya go! Lemme know what ya thought, if ya liked it, or if I am not cut out for this kind of fic and should scrap it :L. Thanks for reading!**

 **\- Kelly**


	2. Chapter 2: What Happens Now?

**AN: Thanking all faves, followers and reviewers! Y'all always make my day :).**

* * *

Leading Ichigo out of the room holding the sunken seating pit, Renji felt like he could fly, he was so relieved. At least, until they turned down another hallway and came across Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez with his hand down Ichinose Maki's pants, the two men having a violent make out session against the wood paneled wall. That kind of put a halt to any kind of thought process he had.

"You two couldn't find a room?" Ichigo's wry voice sounded at Renji's back.

The blue haired man pulled away from Maki's lips, hand never stopping its motion, which Maki seemed to appreciate, going by the sounds he was making. Renji's face was nearly red enough to match his hair.

Voyeurism had never been his thing.

"But then you would have missed out on the free show, Ichi," Jaegerjaquez said teasingly. "And I wouldn't want to deprive you of anything during your stay."

How could he say something like that, Renji wondered. How could he act so casually about kidnapping somebody he knew, and _liked_? And how could he act so composed, when Renji could clearly see how fucking _hard_ he was?!

Ichigo, for once, didn't rise to the taunt. He just smirked at the Espada, eyes raking appreciatively over Maki's moaning figure. Jaegerjaquez still hadn't stopped moving his hand, though he appeared to have slowed down. Renji, realizing that he was watching closely enough to _notice_ that, quickly shook his head and turned away. "-ki's the one putting on the show, Grimm" Ichigo was saying. "People might start thinking you're losing your touch."

Bright white teeth flashed as Jaegerjaquez bared them in an enticingly feral grin. "Why don't you join us, Ichi, and judge for yourself?"

Renji felt his friend's hands on his back, pushing him forward, past the shameless twosome and down the hall. He flushed even redder at the close proximity, trying not to look at, well, anything.

"Not this time, Grimm. I'd hate to be disappointed." Was Ichigo's parting shot, tossed over his shoulder as he and Renji turned another corner. All they heard after that was a feral growl, and Maki's moans getting louder. Renji almost ran for the stairs that would take them away from those sounds.

Ichigo, who'd pulled level with him, laughed. "You're blushing, Ren!" He sounded delighted, the fucker. "I know you ain't shy, man, so what's wrong with you?" Renji's blush deepened. Ichigo knew exactly how not-shy Renji was when it came to sex; he'd had a lot of firsthand experience. He just didn't know that, when Renji himself wasn't involved, he was as shy as a virgin when confronted with other's sexual exploits.

Unlike the orange haired man, who had grown up with shameless Shirokō, and was quite shameless himself. It was pretty fuckin' embarrassing, big bad bold Renji suddenly turning into a fucking teenage girl.

"Shut up." He scowled darkly at the younger man. "Come on, I'll show you where we're sleeping. The house is big, but it ain't _that_ big, so we all gotta double up." Which had probably been the biggest freakin' hassle about the whole situation.

Renji lead Ichigo up to the second floor, along the hall right to the end, and into the room that'd been assigned to them. It was neat, held the basics (queen bed, dresser, nightstands, wardrobe), and had a big-ass window that overlooked the back of the house. Ichigo went straight for it, making Renji snort at his predictability. He wasn't gonna find any clues as to his whereabouts out there. It was a large paved area that had all the typical BBQ and hot tub type shit, with an equally large grassy area beyond it. After that, it was just trees. They could've been anywhere in Rukongai, or even Menos Forest, for all Ichigo knew.

"D'you want a full tour?" Renji felt compelled to ask.

Ichigo shook his head. "I'll figure the place out eventually. The amount of money Shiro owes you all, we'll be here awhile."

Ah shit. Ichigo had forgiven him for being an absolute fuckwit, but the guilt still lanced through Renji's heart like a fucking electric shock. He was gonna end up dead by the end of this. "Right," Renji muttered awkwardly. "Suppose we should go back downstairs and wait for Szayel and Harribel to get back then."

Because suddenly, Renji could understand Ichigo's need for alcohol.

Three hours, two bottles of sake, and an unknown amount of vodka shots later (hijacked from Harribel's new hoard), Ichigo and Renji were sprawled out on their shared bed, with Ichigo lying in between the redhead's thighs, arms crossed on Renji's firm stomach.

"Ren?" Ichigo mumbled tiredly.

"Yeah?"

"Re-remind me, to, to tell you guys why, Shiro borrowed so much money, tomorrow, mmkay?" The slurred words were muffled in Renji's abdomen, although he could understand them just fine.

"I will." A heartbeat. "Wait!" Renji made to sit upright, before abruptly crashing back down with a groan when his head started swimming. "Y-you know?! His reasons, I mean." He waited a few moments, before poking the top of Ichigo's bright orange head. "Ichi?" No answer. Renji shifted his head to peer down at his friend. He tugged on a strand of orange hair. "Ichi? You awake?"

All he got in reply was a small noise of annoyance. Bah. He wanted to know! Typical spiteful Ichigo, to fall asleep right at the important part!

It was cute though, Renji had to admit. Ichigo didn't soften, exactly, when he slept, but his deeply furrowed brow smoothed out some, and his tight jaw loosened up, and it kinda made his usually harsh scowl look like an extremely intense pout. Fuckin' adorable bastard.

Renji's drunken brain couldn't handle it. His head hit the pillow once again, and he groaned. It was pathetic, how much one man could affect him, without even trying. He tried not to focus on the feel of Ichigo's warm body on top of him, or on the way that his long, lean frame fit perfectly in between Renji's thighs.

He just tried to focus on falling asleep.

* * *

"Man!" Nnoitra giggled his disturbing giggle, and gestured for Grimmjow to join him in the doorway of Abarai and Ichigo's room. "Look at these two, cuddling like little bitches." He nodded at the figures laid out on the bed.

Grimmjow peered around his lanky friend, blue eyes lighting up at the sight that met him. The redheaded Fukataichō, Abarai, was laid out on his back, one arm underneath his tattooed head and the other draped – possessively, in Grimmjow's opinion, or protectively. Or both – across the deliciously bare shoulders of the sexy, snarky bastard, Kurosaki Ichigo. Who, by the fucking way, was in between Abarai's legs, face nuzzled into his uncovered abs, arms wrapped around the inked waist and his lovely long legs tangled with his friend's.

And _God_ , did Grimmjow want in. The two bright haired men made an extremely alluring picture. He would probably have to go find Ichinose again after this.

Nnoitra dragged his tongue across his lower lip, smirking slightly. "I guess," he shrugged. "But you know Kurosaki never fucks around without his brother, who fuckin' hates us all now, so we'll hafta keep dreaming."

Oh _fuck._

That one sentence sent a bolt of lust straight to Grimmjow's groin. It was a well-known fact that the Kurosaki brothers, while they never fucked each other, they never fucked without each other either. And since they were both gorgeous pieces of sin on legs, it was every sane woman and bent man's dream to 'play', as they put it, with Ichigo and Shirokō. It was no less true for Grimmjow. Goddamn, but the thought of rolling around in the sheets with those two… He shivered.

Nnoitra chuckled. "Go find somebody to fuck, Jaegerjaquez, before your dick explodes."

Grimmjow leered playfully. "Ya mean ya won't help me out?" He let his eyes rake appreciatively up and down Nnoitra's freakishly long frame. They'd messed around before – never had sex, because neither particularly wanted to be topped by the other – and Nnoi gave the best head that Grimmjow'd ever received.

"Hmm," to his surprise, Nnoitra hummed thoughtfully. "I guess you could join Szayel and me." Nnoitra's one visible eye was hooded invitingly.

"Szayel?!" Grimmjow's jaw dropped. "I thought you guys hated each other!"

"We did." Nnoitra replied simply. "And now we don't."

Yeah fucking right. Grimmjow scoffed disbelievingly. "Ya mean you hated each other and ya ended up fucking all your issues out." Why was he not surprised?

Nnoitra giggled. "It worked didn't it?" He bared his teeth in a salacious grin. "'Sides, I've always thought that he's a pretty bastard."

A startled laugh broke through Grimmjow's lips, and his bright blue eyes shone with amusement. Typical Nnoitra.

"Well then," Grimmjow prowled closer to the black haired man, pressing right up against his chest and letting his pent up desire show on his face. "I wouldn't say no to a little fun, if yer both up for it."

Nnoitra settled his long, elegant hands on the broader man's hips, dragging him closer and letting Grimmjow feel exactly how 'up' for it he was. "I'm sure Szayel would be delighted." He informed Grimmjow, taking him by the hand and dragging him down the hallway. "Just don't go fantasizing about the twins while you're with us."

* * *

Ichimaru Gin wasn't worried, exactly, about how he would fare once Shirokō and Ichigo were reunited. They would undoubtedly be furious (and hurt, although Gin preferred not to think about that). Whatever they came up with for revenge would be _nothing_ , however, compared to what Ran-chan would do when she figured out what he had done. And Gin had no doubts that she would find out.

He poured himself another measure of sake, allowing his ever-present grin to drop, and his icy blue eyes to open wide. Ran-chan would not be very impressed with him; even less impressed that she was when she realized how much money he had let Shirokō borrow in the first place. Gin mentally pouted at the memory. His lovely partner was so unsympathetic, telling him _'It's your own fault, Gin, figure it out on your own'_. Well he had, and now she was going to be even more mad.

"Ichimaru-sama?"

"Hmm?" Gin lifted his head to acknowledge his current drinking partner, who was seated on the opposite sofa. Ulquiorra's deep green eyes were widened slightly in shock. None of the Espada had ever seen Gin with his eyes open. Grin was rather honored that it was an occasion that pulled some emotion from the Cuatro Espada. "Yes, Ulquiorra-kun?" He replied, tilting his head to the side and meeting his subordinate's gaze for the first time.

"How long do you think it will take for Shirokō to pay all of us back?"

Gin sighed, letting his eyes slip shut again. "It'll definitely be awhile, Ulquiorra-kun. And the longer it takes, the longer they're apart, the more they're going ta resent us. Ya know that, right?"

Ulquiorra blinked slowly at him. "I do, Ichimaru-sama. They are unhealthily attached to each other."

A small sound of amusement escaped before Gin could stop it. Understatement of the millennia. If one of those boys were to die, he had no doubt that the other would follow within the minute. They were, Gin had always thought, the true definition of soul mates.

And he had just separated them, probably for the first time ever.

Gin let his head drop into his hands, paying no mind to Ulquiorra's slightly perturbed gaze. Karma was going to kick his ass for this one.

* * *

Hisagi Shuuhei was troubled. And his roommates were just about dying from curiosity, because Hisagi Shuuhei didn't _do_ troubled. He was mister 'cool calm and collected' at all times.

"Are you going to tell us what is wrong, Hisagi? Or can we guess?" Kano Ashido grinned teasingly at the younger man.

Ichinose Maki joined in, sending his own speculative gaze towards the lieutenant. "I'm betting it has something to do with our young captive, am I right?"

Neither man could suppress their laughter as Shuuhei's face instantly filled with blood. He groaned, throwing an arm across his face as he fell back onto the bed. "Is it that obvious?"

Maki, taking pity on him, drew in a few deep breaths to try and control his laughter. "Hisagi," he began, a hint of mirth still apparent in his voice. "You've hardly looked at him once this whole day, and your face has basically been dyed red. I was worried you'd actually pass out every time the kid so much as looked at you."

Ashido snickered.

Shuuhei swore, turning onto his stomach to press his face into his pillow. A muffled stream of what Maki assumed were curses continued to flow from his mouth. He couldn't help it; he snickered too.

"Seriously, Hisagi, what the hell happened? It can't be this situation, you wouldn't be blushing so bad over something like this." Ashido's voice gained a teasing edge as Shuuhei squirmed on the bed. "And you can't have fought, for the same reason, and because Ichigo would never allow a disagreement to draw out for so long."

"Shit- agh!" Maki nearly hacked up a lung as he choked on his sudden realization. "You, you-" he sputtered, trying to force it out past the coughs.

"Breathe, Ichinose!" Ashido was laughing, the asshole. The red haired man pounded a fist on Maki's back, almost forcing him face first into the bed they were both sitting on.

"Stop, stop!" Maki, having recovered his ability to breathe and speak, shoved Ashido away from him with a scowl. He deliberately caught Shuuhei's gaze when the young lieutenant lifted his head from his pillow to see what all the fuss was about. "You fucked him, didn't you?"

Shuuhei's face went completely red instantly. He buried his face back into the pillow without saying a word; basically confirming Maki's theory.

Maki started laughing uproariously, at both Shuuhei's embarrassment, and Ashido's gobsmacked expression. He collapsed on top of the double bed, clutching at his sides. This was too good!

Hisagi Shuuhei was the consummate ladies' man. This was proven fact, and one known by every single person in the Gotei Thirteen. He hadn't ever shown any interest whatsoever in anybody of the male gender.

And yet, even he had fallen prey to the Kurosaki brothers.

So Maki laughed, and laughed, and laughed. In fact, he laughed so long that it was kind of a relief when Shuuhei grew sick of it and hurled a pillow at him, knocking him back. Maki lay sprawled on his and Ashido's shared bed, heaving for breath (again).

"Are you bi, then, Hisagi?" Ashido asked curiously. His reaction hadn't been nearly as extravagant as Maki's.

Shuuhei finally relented, sitting up cross-legged on his own double bed. He looked a little lost. Maki, feeling slightly apologetic for the way he'd reacted, also sat back up and mirrored the younger man's position. He smiled encouragingly in Shuuhei's direction, hoping he hadn't actually hurt the poor guy with his hysterics. "Oi, Hisagi-"

"Don't worry about it," Shuuhei cut him off. "I'm not having a sexuality crisis or anything. And no, I'm not bi, Kano." He raised his head, meeting both men's gazes with lips twisted in a wry smile. His face was still entirely crimson. "I just… happened to have sex with a couple of guys?"

Ashido snorted. "I wouldn't worry about it. Nobody in their right mind would deny those two, if they wanted you." Because obviously Shuuhei would never have initiated that little fun-fest.

Maki, remembering Ichigo's cinnamon eyes watching him during his earlier escapade with Jaegerjaquez, had to agree. He would've been more than happy for the cross-blood to join in. He mentioned this out loud, hoping to prove that Shuuhei had nothing to be ashamed of, only to see his face go up in figurative flames. Maki could almost _see_ the steam coming out of Shuuhei's ears.

"Now what's wrong with you?" He questioned, rather more impatiently.

Shuuhei fidgeted on the bed. "Uh, well…"

Maki almost launched himself at the other man. Beside him, Ashido exhaled loudly.

Shuuhei buried his face in his hands. "-agerchakwhasereto."

"Okay," Maki drew the word out. "Do you wanna tell us what that means in any kind of recognizable language?"

" _Jaegerjaquez was there too, I said!"_

Maki stared. Shuuhei looked, if possible, even more mortified than he had before his little outburst. Slowly, Maki's lips pulled upwards in the biggest shit-eating grin any of them had ever seen.

Jaegerjaquez was notorious for his constant pursuance of the Kurosaki brothers; any success he had in that endeavor would have been shouted from every rooftop in Soul Society.

But it hadn't.

"Did Jaegerjaquez happen to be, _drunk,_ during your little foursome, Hisagi?" Maki questioned, sinister grin still painted across his face. Ashido, catching on quickly, grinned as well.

Shuuhei, somehow realizing that he was now off the hook in favor of a more interesting target, nodded in confirmation. "It happened at Neliel's birthday party, a couple weeks ago. We were all pretty smashed, but Jaegerjaquez was completely gone."

"Can't have been that smashed if you all managed to have such a good time together." Ashido pointed out slyly.

Shuuhei chucked a pillow at him. "There was still alcohol involved!"

"Back to my point," Maki interrupted before their conversation was derailed any further. "If you were all as wasted as you say, and we haven't heard anything about this, _at all_ , it probably means that Jaegerjaquez forgot, right?" He didn't need confirmation. Every man, woman and child on the island of Hell's Gate would have heard about it if Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez recalled fucking the two lusts of his life, plus the pretty little lieutenant of the Ninth.

Shuuhei nodded once more. "Probably, yeah. Ichigo and Shirokō didn't stay too long once Jaegerjaquez passed out, and I, er, had to get Kira to come and pick me up. So he would have woken up alone." The red flush that had been slowly dissipating came back with a vengeance, and Maki smirked. He wouldn't ask for details, much as he would love to hear them, but it sounded like Hisagi had been thoroughly well-fucked.

He was going to have so much fun with this.

* * *

 **AN: Let me know your thoughts! Also, again, don't worry about the AU elements, if you're getting confused. I haven't explained anything yet, but it's coming, I promise. And, just in case anybody was too confused or thought I made a mistake, Hell's Gate and Soul Society are the same thing :). Don't be afraid to ask questions!**

 **\- Kelly**


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